Wednesday, September 30, 2009

rock bottom?

well i think that time has finally come.  They say you'll want to make a change when you hit rock bottom...I had to give up what I have always put first in my life (besides ED of course) and thats SCHOOL! I've always set these high standards and goals for myself, and doing well in school was my way to one day reach them. ED had never really gotten in my way. I mean my reading gets slower and more difficult but i always just put a little extra time in it and it works itself out.  My body has had enough.  its been 10 long years and it doesnt want to take it anymore. I finally had to leave school to go to treatment.  It was, and is continuing to be, the hardest decision that I have ever made in my life.  I NEVER AGAIN want ED to get in the way of my dreams and ambitions.  He has held me back too long and I am DONE! Tomorrow morning I go to CEDC to hopefully begin a one month stay in the residential program. I am ready to fight.  I'm not saying its going to be easy but I know that I want this and that I am ready.  I am ready to take control of my life and LIVE. The shit that I've been through in my life doesn't matter. I'm gonna take those experiences and I'm going to learn from them and use them for good.  I am NOT a victim, I am a survivor. I know that I can do this with all of the support from my family and friends, but I also realize that the responsibility for change lies with me.  I am the only one who can change me. And I plan on it.  I WILL NOT live this way any longer.  I'm nervous and unsure but I am determined. I will fight and I will win!

wish me luck :)